The Grand Tour

Before I actually start moving these folks from their brain-based prison into their new virtual digs, I need to give a breakdown of how this place works.

We have the Torture Chamber. This is where the worst of the worst go. There is no escape from this section, no redemption will earn release. These folks are typically truly despicably evil and deserve not only to to be locked away from humanity for the duration but tortured on a daily basis in punishment for being just horrible, horrible people. Fred Phelps lives here. Enough said.  

This might be a good time to mention that you are free to discuss the residents of my dungeon and wonder if they truly belong but there will be no arguments. This may surprise those of you who think you know how much I like to argue. In fact, I hate arguing. No, really, I do. I just cannot let someone be wrong in my presence. Technically, what you see as me arguing is really me just repeatedly trying to show you how incorrect and flawed your thinking is. 

In any event, this is my personal virtual vengeance. If you want to pass judgment, get your own dungeon. Also, I'd like to add that while I will always try to provide my own justification for the inclusion of a particular person, this is not Wikipedia. I am not writing biographies of these folks so I encourage you to do your own research for further info.

Moving on, we have the Dungeon proper. This is where the typically evil, terrible people reside. I say, "typically" because there can be debatable (but not really--see above) exceptions. There may be people here that you might not readily think would belong. For example, Ron Paul is a resident of this level. Is he truly evil? Maybe not. However, Ron Paul could cure cancer with orgasms and chocolate and it would never repay humanity for the fact that he spawned Rand Paul. So, here he is.

Continuing on the tour, we come to Purgatory. This is sort of the drunk tank of the dungeon. This is for people who may just be temporarily insanely ignorant or obnoxiously cruel and/or maleficent. People here might go on to earn their redemption and release but most often, they prove themselves worthy of promotion to the Dungeon. Bill O' Reilly lives here. True, he is astounded by how human-like black people seem to be in person and he thinks "Happy Holidays" are fightin' words in his delusional War on Christmas; however, on the other hand, he has said that gay marriage opponents really only have Bible thumping on their side while gay people have the compelling argument that they are American citizens who just want to be treated like everyone else. So, Bill hangs out here a lot.

Last but not least, we have something I like to call the Wall of Shame. This section is not for people. Instead, this section is home to those obnoxious Facebook posts, statuses, graphics and links that get posted in my feed that make me very stabby. I don't mean the 15th repeated post of "Bill Gates will donate a gazillion dollars to kids with ass cancer if this picture of Denzel Washington fellating Vietnam vets gets 1,000,000 likes!" People who share those already live in their own personal hell of terminal stupidity. No, this is for the "See, I told you cucumbers cause autism! Read the article on www.tomatogrowersassociationwantsyoutostopbuyinganyvegetablethatisnota tomato.com!" posts and these posts.

So, there's your tour. Next step is to move the folks in. This will be an ongoing process. Several of these folks have been here a while and since organization is not really in my wheelhouse, they will be added in no discernible order. Feedback and comments are welcome to a certain extent. Feel free to suggest your own inmates, feel free to expound on the ones already here, feel free to congratulate me on my impeccable choices and my epic blog in general.