Which people? Every single non-law enforcement adult mentioned in this article.
Just read it.
DPT: Not even my brain can sink to appropriate depths to assign a Designated Personal Torture here. Cthulhu even refuses to eat them.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
General Admission--Facebook Offenders--The Dungeon
There are certain types of people who deserve to be in here, punished for their stupidity. It would be a waste of time and energy that they don't deserve to list them individually so today we are inducting a few groups of folks en masse who fall under certain umbrellas of thought--or lack thereof. While the majority of these incidents occur on Facebook, these "thoughts" do spill over into IRL conversations as well. Those people are even more worthy of The Dungeon as they didn't simply click and share the bullshit, they've had time to think it through and bring it into conversation.
Without further ado, our inductees:
*People who continue to "like" and "share" the "Like/share this picture of Bill Gates/Jamie Foxx/Steve Jobs kissing a poodle/shaving a yak/mooning the Queen and he'll give you free computers/a bazillion dollars/hookers and blow for life!" pictures. Bill Gates is not giving your dumb ass anything for clicking on a word on Facebook.
Bill Gates does lots of great things with his money. He donates millions to education initiatives, disease prevention and global health development. What he is not doing is writing checks to people who click "like" and then post, "It can't hurt!" Yes, it can. By spreading your bullshit picture around, it gets more views and it not only clutters up the feeds of your non-gullible friends but it starts to desensitize people to some of the actually true and helpful happenings that Facebook can be used to publicize and spread.
*Anyone who posts about how much better schools would be if we put God/the Bible/prayer "back" in them. You are idiots. None of those things was ever banned from schools--not that any of them should be there to begin with. Just because Buffalo Wild Wings won't let you go in and turn all their TVs to your favorite soap opera doesn't mean you--or melodrama--has been banned from chicken restaurants. It simply means that you are a selfish asshole for expecting everyone else to do what you want to do all the time and they aren't having it. Same with schools. Go take God/the Bible/prayer and pout in church where you all belong.
*The sorry excuses for humans who like to post negative things about welfare recipients. Whether it's the snarky e-cards about people using food stamps while talking on iPhones or the witty, "Don't forget to pay your taxes so the government can give it to people who don't work as hard as you do!" memes or everyone's favorite, "We should drug test all welfare recipients!" screeds.Some of these folks teeter dangerously close to Torture Chamber territory but for now, we'll let them cool their heels here.
I'm not going to get into the math--you can look up the data. SNAP and TANF are in place for temporary assistance for people who need it to live. Of course there are abuses--there are always abuses of everything. People pump out tons more ketchup than they need from the dispenser at McDonalds, people eat grapes walking through the produce department, folks go to town on the chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant and then order smaller entrees. First off, it's human nature to take and second, there are always going to be selfish assholes who try to ruin it for other people. But it takes a special kind of evil to actively want to make children go hungry.
That's what this comes down to--especially the drug testing for benefits argument. The most galling thing is when people couch their arguments in "I don't want MY tax dollars going to..." Funny, you never seem to give a shit which sidewalk or bike lane YOUR tax dollars are installing, whether we need it or not. I rarely see people complain about THEIR tax dollars paying those firemen to sit around and eat chili when they aren't fighting fires. When's the last time you heard someone grumble about their "hard-earned money" being wasted on stoplights and tornado sirens? But let one of them see a woman on SNAP buying anything but dried beans at the store and you'd think she attacked him at knife-point and stole his 401K. Interestingly, when you point out that corporations get way more welfare from the government than any disabled vet could ever dream of, these same folks just shrug and sigh, "What can you do..."
People get upset about the poor getting welfare for one reason--fear. You see, people have an irrational feeling that they are closer in standing to the CEO getting the corporate welfare than they are the single mom guiltily, surreptitiously buying a birthday cake for her kid with her SNAP card. However, deep down they know the opposite is true. Most Americans are just a few paychecks (sometimes just one) away from homelessness, food stamps, the whole bit. And that scares them to death. So they project that fear on the people who are in that very situation because it makes them feel distanced from it. Well wrap this up with a Terry Pratchett quote:
Without further ado, our inductees:
*People who continue to "like" and "share" the "Like/share this picture of Bill Gates/Jamie Foxx/Steve Jobs kissing a poodle/shaving a yak/mooning the Queen and he'll give you free computers/a bazillion dollars/hookers and blow for life!" pictures. Bill Gates is not giving your dumb ass anything for clicking on a word on Facebook.
Bill Gates does lots of great things with his money. He donates millions to education initiatives, disease prevention and global health development. What he is not doing is writing checks to people who click "like" and then post, "It can't hurt!" Yes, it can. By spreading your bullshit picture around, it gets more views and it not only clutters up the feeds of your non-gullible friends but it starts to desensitize people to some of the actually true and helpful happenings that Facebook can be used to publicize and spread.
*Anyone who posts about how much better schools would be if we put God/the Bible/prayer "back" in them. You are idiots. None of those things was ever banned from schools--not that any of them should be there to begin with. Just because Buffalo Wild Wings won't let you go in and turn all their TVs to your favorite soap opera doesn't mean you--or melodrama--has been banned from chicken restaurants. It simply means that you are a selfish asshole for expecting everyone else to do what you want to do all the time and they aren't having it. Same with schools. Go take God/the Bible/prayer and pout in church where you all belong.
*The sorry excuses for humans who like to post negative things about welfare recipients. Whether it's the snarky e-cards about people using food stamps while talking on iPhones or the witty, "Don't forget to pay your taxes so the government can give it to people who don't work as hard as you do!" memes or everyone's favorite, "We should drug test all welfare recipients!" screeds.Some of these folks teeter dangerously close to Torture Chamber territory but for now, we'll let them cool their heels here.
I'm not going to get into the math--you can look up the data. SNAP and TANF are in place for temporary assistance for people who need it to live. Of course there are abuses--there are always abuses of everything. People pump out tons more ketchup than they need from the dispenser at McDonalds, people eat grapes walking through the produce department, folks go to town on the chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant and then order smaller entrees. First off, it's human nature to take and second, there are always going to be selfish assholes who try to ruin it for other people. But it takes a special kind of evil to actively want to make children go hungry.
That's what this comes down to--especially the drug testing for benefits argument. The most galling thing is when people couch their arguments in "I don't want MY tax dollars going to..." Funny, you never seem to give a shit which sidewalk or bike lane YOUR tax dollars are installing, whether we need it or not. I rarely see people complain about THEIR tax dollars paying those firemen to sit around and eat chili when they aren't fighting fires. When's the last time you heard someone grumble about their "hard-earned money" being wasted on stoplights and tornado sirens? But let one of them see a woman on SNAP buying anything but dried beans at the store and you'd think she attacked him at knife-point and stole his 401K. Interestingly, when you point out that corporations get way more welfare from the government than any disabled vet could ever dream of, these same folks just shrug and sigh, "What can you do..."
People get upset about the poor getting welfare for one reason--fear. You see, people have an irrational feeling that they are closer in standing to the CEO getting the corporate welfare than they are the single mom guiltily, surreptitiously buying a birthday cake for her kid with her SNAP card. However, deep down they know the opposite is true. Most Americans are just a few paychecks (sometimes just one) away from homelessness, food stamps, the whole bit. And that scares them to death. So they project that fear on the people who are in that very situation because it makes them feel distanced from it. Well wrap this up with a Terry Pratchett quote:
It
was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to
think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's
fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us.
I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No
one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us.
It's Them that do the bad things.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Kim Hall--Torture Chamber
This woman. This mother has written a blog post directed to all the
young ladies in her family's life who are just trying their damnedest
to sexually corrupt her delicate snowflake sons by daring to post
photographs on the internets. See, their family sits down
periodically around the family dinner table for a good old-fashioned
round of slut-shaming all the young women they know. They all gather
to look at and critique the inappropriate selfies the nubile young
women have had the audacity to post online and then, the family blocks them from
all their feeds.
According to Ms. Hall, part of the reasoning is for the protection of these young women from themselves--relish these words of wisdom, "Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?" Of course you don't.
That's what Ms. Hall is here for--by subsequently blocking these deemed-trashy girls from her sons' sites, she has now firmly cemented in their minds that these girls are nothing but those pictures. They are not whole people, capable of sexiness, humor, intelligence, attractiveness and personality. They are simply one-dimensional whores that can now only be seen as impure, lustful objects to be scorned and banned from sight.
(Point of order, prior to her updating the entry after scores of posts regarding hypocrisy, the photos of her All-American boys she has peppered throughout the page consisted mostly of shirtless pics of them flexing and otherwise posing.)
Ms. Hall explains that "we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass." No word on the effects these loving virtual stonings of unclean women are having on their 8-year old daughter who shares in the sessions, pointing out cute bedroom decor. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll take a valuable lesson away from all this--never, ever feel sexy in your body. Feeling attractive is wrong--you get your worth from what other people think of you only.
Ms. Hall's daughter will also understand that poor men fight an "uphill battle" to be decent human beings and that it is women who can destroy that fragile self-control, making them think and do things they are pre-disposed to do against their will. She will understand that men have a hard enough time controlling their animalistic impulses and that when a woman doesn't demure and hide her femininity, anything that happens as a result is her own fault.
Hopefully, she won't see it firsthand. After all, in Ms. Hall's words, "If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family." Which, I assume, means that if, God-forbid, Junior starts to date one of those harlots, the whole family is piling into the station wagon to enjoy some sticky backseat fondling and subsequent date rape.
DPT: Kim Hall has to move back to Africa to work with the Desert Flower Foundation, helping victims of FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). She needs to experience first-hand the horror of the natural extension her evil, barbarous thoughts about young women "tempting" men to sin can lead to.
According to Ms. Hall, part of the reasoning is for the protection of these young women from themselves--relish these words of wisdom, "Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?" Of course you don't.
That's what Ms. Hall is here for--by subsequently blocking these deemed-trashy girls from her sons' sites, she has now firmly cemented in their minds that these girls are nothing but those pictures. They are not whole people, capable of sexiness, humor, intelligence, attractiveness and personality. They are simply one-dimensional whores that can now only be seen as impure, lustful objects to be scorned and banned from sight.
(Point of order, prior to her updating the entry after scores of posts regarding hypocrisy, the photos of her All-American boys she has peppered throughout the page consisted mostly of shirtless pics of them flexing and otherwise posing.)
Ms. Hall explains that "we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass." No word on the effects these loving virtual stonings of unclean women are having on their 8-year old daughter who shares in the sessions, pointing out cute bedroom decor. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll take a valuable lesson away from all this--never, ever feel sexy in your body. Feeling attractive is wrong--you get your worth from what other people think of you only.
Ms. Hall's daughter will also understand that poor men fight an "uphill battle" to be decent human beings and that it is women who can destroy that fragile self-control, making them think and do things they are pre-disposed to do against their will. She will understand that men have a hard enough time controlling their animalistic impulses and that when a woman doesn't demure and hide her femininity, anything that happens as a result is her own fault.
Hopefully, she won't see it firsthand. After all, in Ms. Hall's words, "If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family." Which, I assume, means that if, God-forbid, Junior starts to date one of those harlots, the whole family is piling into the station wagon to enjoy some sticky backseat fondling and subsequent date rape.
DPT: Kim Hall has to move back to Africa to work with the Desert Flower Foundation, helping victims of FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). She needs to experience first-hand the horror of the natural extension her evil, barbarous thoughts about young women "tempting" men to sin can lead to.
Judge G. Todd Baugh--The Dungeon
Meet Judge G. Todd Baugh, who sentenced the 54-year old rapist of a 14-year old girl to serve a 30-day jail sentence.
See, even though the rapist was 40 years older than the victim, Cherice Morales, and was in a position of authority over her (he was a teacher), the judge felt that the teenager was “as much in control of the situation” as her rapist as well as "older than her chronological age." Granted, we don't really know Cherice's feelings on the matter, seeing as how she killed herself just before her 17th birthday.
This case has been repugnant from the beginning. The rapist, former teacher Stacey Dean Rambold, was sentenced in 2008 to 15 years for one count of sexual intercourse without consent but was allowed the ridiculous option of completing a sex-offender treatment course in order to have the charges completely dismissed--travesty of justice to the world, an incredible gift he was not remotely worthy of to Rambold. However, turns out, Rambold is just a sick son of a bitch because he couldn't even take advantage of the utterly undeserved gift he had been given--he was kicked out of the program. For failing to be a decent human in spite of being given chances he was utterly unworthy of, Rambold was again prosecuted in order to see him serve his original sentence.
Enter Judge G. Todd Baugh. Baugh decided that even though Rambold was not smart, savvy or mentally well enough to take his previous "Get-Out-of-Jail" card and go, he surely didn't deserve to actually pay for his crime. He sentenced the convicted sex offender to the 15 years but suspended all but 31 days of it--and then gave him one day's credit for time already served, bringing his total jail time to 30 days.
It takes longer to get a passport.
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