Which people? Every single non-law enforcement adult mentioned in this article.
Just read it.
DPT: Not even my brain can sink to appropriate depths to assign a Designated Personal Torture here. Cthulhu even refuses to eat them.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
General Admission--Facebook Offenders--The Dungeon
There are certain types of people who deserve to be in here, punished for their stupidity. It would be a waste of time and energy that they don't deserve to list them individually so today we are inducting a few groups of folks en masse who fall under certain umbrellas of thought--or lack thereof. While the majority of these incidents occur on Facebook, these "thoughts" do spill over into IRL conversations as well. Those people are even more worthy of The Dungeon as they didn't simply click and share the bullshit, they've had time to think it through and bring it into conversation.
Without further ado, our inductees:
*People who continue to "like" and "share" the "Like/share this picture of Bill Gates/Jamie Foxx/Steve Jobs kissing a poodle/shaving a yak/mooning the Queen and he'll give you free computers/a bazillion dollars/hookers and blow for life!" pictures. Bill Gates is not giving your dumb ass anything for clicking on a word on Facebook.
Bill Gates does lots of great things with his money. He donates millions to education initiatives, disease prevention and global health development. What he is not doing is writing checks to people who click "like" and then post, "It can't hurt!" Yes, it can. By spreading your bullshit picture around, it gets more views and it not only clutters up the feeds of your non-gullible friends but it starts to desensitize people to some of the actually true and helpful happenings that Facebook can be used to publicize and spread.
*Anyone who posts about how much better schools would be if we put God/the Bible/prayer "back" in them. You are idiots. None of those things was ever banned from schools--not that any of them should be there to begin with. Just because Buffalo Wild Wings won't let you go in and turn all their TVs to your favorite soap opera doesn't mean you--or melodrama--has been banned from chicken restaurants. It simply means that you are a selfish asshole for expecting everyone else to do what you want to do all the time and they aren't having it. Same with schools. Go take God/the Bible/prayer and pout in church where you all belong.
*The sorry excuses for humans who like to post negative things about welfare recipients. Whether it's the snarky e-cards about people using food stamps while talking on iPhones or the witty, "Don't forget to pay your taxes so the government can give it to people who don't work as hard as you do!" memes or everyone's favorite, "We should drug test all welfare recipients!" screeds.Some of these folks teeter dangerously close to Torture Chamber territory but for now, we'll let them cool their heels here.
I'm not going to get into the math--you can look up the data. SNAP and TANF are in place for temporary assistance for people who need it to live. Of course there are abuses--there are always abuses of everything. People pump out tons more ketchup than they need from the dispenser at McDonalds, people eat grapes walking through the produce department, folks go to town on the chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant and then order smaller entrees. First off, it's human nature to take and second, there are always going to be selfish assholes who try to ruin it for other people. But it takes a special kind of evil to actively want to make children go hungry.
That's what this comes down to--especially the drug testing for benefits argument. The most galling thing is when people couch their arguments in "I don't want MY tax dollars going to..." Funny, you never seem to give a shit which sidewalk or bike lane YOUR tax dollars are installing, whether we need it or not. I rarely see people complain about THEIR tax dollars paying those firemen to sit around and eat chili when they aren't fighting fires. When's the last time you heard someone grumble about their "hard-earned money" being wasted on stoplights and tornado sirens? But let one of them see a woman on SNAP buying anything but dried beans at the store and you'd think she attacked him at knife-point and stole his 401K. Interestingly, when you point out that corporations get way more welfare from the government than any disabled vet could ever dream of, these same folks just shrug and sigh, "What can you do..."
People get upset about the poor getting welfare for one reason--fear. You see, people have an irrational feeling that they are closer in standing to the CEO getting the corporate welfare than they are the single mom guiltily, surreptitiously buying a birthday cake for her kid with her SNAP card. However, deep down they know the opposite is true. Most Americans are just a few paychecks (sometimes just one) away from homelessness, food stamps, the whole bit. And that scares them to death. So they project that fear on the people who are in that very situation because it makes them feel distanced from it. Well wrap this up with a Terry Pratchett quote:
Without further ado, our inductees:
*People who continue to "like" and "share" the "Like/share this picture of Bill Gates/Jamie Foxx/Steve Jobs kissing a poodle/shaving a yak/mooning the Queen and he'll give you free computers/a bazillion dollars/hookers and blow for life!" pictures. Bill Gates is not giving your dumb ass anything for clicking on a word on Facebook.
Bill Gates does lots of great things with his money. He donates millions to education initiatives, disease prevention and global health development. What he is not doing is writing checks to people who click "like" and then post, "It can't hurt!" Yes, it can. By spreading your bullshit picture around, it gets more views and it not only clutters up the feeds of your non-gullible friends but it starts to desensitize people to some of the actually true and helpful happenings that Facebook can be used to publicize and spread.
*Anyone who posts about how much better schools would be if we put God/the Bible/prayer "back" in them. You are idiots. None of those things was ever banned from schools--not that any of them should be there to begin with. Just because Buffalo Wild Wings won't let you go in and turn all their TVs to your favorite soap opera doesn't mean you--or melodrama--has been banned from chicken restaurants. It simply means that you are a selfish asshole for expecting everyone else to do what you want to do all the time and they aren't having it. Same with schools. Go take God/the Bible/prayer and pout in church where you all belong.
*The sorry excuses for humans who like to post negative things about welfare recipients. Whether it's the snarky e-cards about people using food stamps while talking on iPhones or the witty, "Don't forget to pay your taxes so the government can give it to people who don't work as hard as you do!" memes or everyone's favorite, "We should drug test all welfare recipients!" screeds.Some of these folks teeter dangerously close to Torture Chamber territory but for now, we'll let them cool their heels here.
I'm not going to get into the math--you can look up the data. SNAP and TANF are in place for temporary assistance for people who need it to live. Of course there are abuses--there are always abuses of everything. People pump out tons more ketchup than they need from the dispenser at McDonalds, people eat grapes walking through the produce department, folks go to town on the chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant and then order smaller entrees. First off, it's human nature to take and second, there are always going to be selfish assholes who try to ruin it for other people. But it takes a special kind of evil to actively want to make children go hungry.
That's what this comes down to--especially the drug testing for benefits argument. The most galling thing is when people couch their arguments in "I don't want MY tax dollars going to..." Funny, you never seem to give a shit which sidewalk or bike lane YOUR tax dollars are installing, whether we need it or not. I rarely see people complain about THEIR tax dollars paying those firemen to sit around and eat chili when they aren't fighting fires. When's the last time you heard someone grumble about their "hard-earned money" being wasted on stoplights and tornado sirens? But let one of them see a woman on SNAP buying anything but dried beans at the store and you'd think she attacked him at knife-point and stole his 401K. Interestingly, when you point out that corporations get way more welfare from the government than any disabled vet could ever dream of, these same folks just shrug and sigh, "What can you do..."
People get upset about the poor getting welfare for one reason--fear. You see, people have an irrational feeling that they are closer in standing to the CEO getting the corporate welfare than they are the single mom guiltily, surreptitiously buying a birthday cake for her kid with her SNAP card. However, deep down they know the opposite is true. Most Americans are just a few paychecks (sometimes just one) away from homelessness, food stamps, the whole bit. And that scares them to death. So they project that fear on the people who are in that very situation because it makes them feel distanced from it. Well wrap this up with a Terry Pratchett quote:
It
was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to
think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's
fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us.
I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No
one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us.
It's Them that do the bad things.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Kim Hall--Torture Chamber
This woman. This mother has written a blog post directed to all the
young ladies in her family's life who are just trying their damnedest
to sexually corrupt her delicate snowflake sons by daring to post
photographs on the internets. See, their family sits down
periodically around the family dinner table for a good old-fashioned
round of slut-shaming all the young women they know. They all gather
to look at and critique the inappropriate selfies the nubile young
women have had the audacity to post online and then, the family blocks them from
all their feeds.
According to Ms. Hall, part of the reasoning is for the protection of these young women from themselves--relish these words of wisdom, "Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?" Of course you don't.
That's what Ms. Hall is here for--by subsequently blocking these deemed-trashy girls from her sons' sites, she has now firmly cemented in their minds that these girls are nothing but those pictures. They are not whole people, capable of sexiness, humor, intelligence, attractiveness and personality. They are simply one-dimensional whores that can now only be seen as impure, lustful objects to be scorned and banned from sight.
(Point of order, prior to her updating the entry after scores of posts regarding hypocrisy, the photos of her All-American boys she has peppered throughout the page consisted mostly of shirtless pics of them flexing and otherwise posing.)
Ms. Hall explains that "we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass." No word on the effects these loving virtual stonings of unclean women are having on their 8-year old daughter who shares in the sessions, pointing out cute bedroom decor. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll take a valuable lesson away from all this--never, ever feel sexy in your body. Feeling attractive is wrong--you get your worth from what other people think of you only.
Ms. Hall's daughter will also understand that poor men fight an "uphill battle" to be decent human beings and that it is women who can destroy that fragile self-control, making them think and do things they are pre-disposed to do against their will. She will understand that men have a hard enough time controlling their animalistic impulses and that when a woman doesn't demure and hide her femininity, anything that happens as a result is her own fault.
Hopefully, she won't see it firsthand. After all, in Ms. Hall's words, "If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family." Which, I assume, means that if, God-forbid, Junior starts to date one of those harlots, the whole family is piling into the station wagon to enjoy some sticky backseat fondling and subsequent date rape.
DPT: Kim Hall has to move back to Africa to work with the Desert Flower Foundation, helping victims of FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). She needs to experience first-hand the horror of the natural extension her evil, barbarous thoughts about young women "tempting" men to sin can lead to.
According to Ms. Hall, part of the reasoning is for the protection of these young women from themselves--relish these words of wisdom, "Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?" Of course you don't.
That's what Ms. Hall is here for--by subsequently blocking these deemed-trashy girls from her sons' sites, she has now firmly cemented in their minds that these girls are nothing but those pictures. They are not whole people, capable of sexiness, humor, intelligence, attractiveness and personality. They are simply one-dimensional whores that can now only be seen as impure, lustful objects to be scorned and banned from sight.
(Point of order, prior to her updating the entry after scores of posts regarding hypocrisy, the photos of her All-American boys she has peppered throughout the page consisted mostly of shirtless pics of them flexing and otherwise posing.)
Ms. Hall explains that "we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass." No word on the effects these loving virtual stonings of unclean women are having on their 8-year old daughter who shares in the sessions, pointing out cute bedroom decor. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll take a valuable lesson away from all this--never, ever feel sexy in your body. Feeling attractive is wrong--you get your worth from what other people think of you only.
Ms. Hall's daughter will also understand that poor men fight an "uphill battle" to be decent human beings and that it is women who can destroy that fragile self-control, making them think and do things they are pre-disposed to do against their will. She will understand that men have a hard enough time controlling their animalistic impulses and that when a woman doesn't demure and hide her femininity, anything that happens as a result is her own fault.
Hopefully, she won't see it firsthand. After all, in Ms. Hall's words, "If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family." Which, I assume, means that if, God-forbid, Junior starts to date one of those harlots, the whole family is piling into the station wagon to enjoy some sticky backseat fondling and subsequent date rape.
DPT: Kim Hall has to move back to Africa to work with the Desert Flower Foundation, helping victims of FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). She needs to experience first-hand the horror of the natural extension her evil, barbarous thoughts about young women "tempting" men to sin can lead to.
Judge G. Todd Baugh--The Dungeon
Meet Judge G. Todd Baugh, who sentenced the 54-year old rapist of a 14-year old girl to serve a 30-day jail sentence.
See, even though the rapist was 40 years older than the victim, Cherice Morales, and was in a position of authority over her (he was a teacher), the judge felt that the teenager was “as much in control of the situation” as her rapist as well as "older than her chronological age." Granted, we don't really know Cherice's feelings on the matter, seeing as how she killed herself just before her 17th birthday.
This case has been repugnant from the beginning. The rapist, former teacher Stacey Dean Rambold, was sentenced in 2008 to 15 years for one count of sexual intercourse without consent but was allowed the ridiculous option of completing a sex-offender treatment course in order to have the charges completely dismissed--travesty of justice to the world, an incredible gift he was not remotely worthy of to Rambold. However, turns out, Rambold is just a sick son of a bitch because he couldn't even take advantage of the utterly undeserved gift he had been given--he was kicked out of the program. For failing to be a decent human in spite of being given chances he was utterly unworthy of, Rambold was again prosecuted in order to see him serve his original sentence.
Enter Judge G. Todd Baugh. Baugh decided that even though Rambold was not smart, savvy or mentally well enough to take his previous "Get-Out-of-Jail" card and go, he surely didn't deserve to actually pay for his crime. He sentenced the convicted sex offender to the 15 years but suspended all but 31 days of it--and then gave him one day's credit for time already served, bringing his total jail time to 30 days.
It takes longer to get a passport.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Stabby Saturday
Okay, folks, it's another weekly roundup of things that make me want to inflict grievous bodily injury.
First up, the current crop of thug Russian Neo-Nazis who have adopted a neat new habit of luring in and then torturing gay people. Not that I give a pass to our own home-grown Neo-Nazi animals but these are a special kind of evil.
Instead of the typical drunken solo asshole trying to start some shit with anyone in the bar he feels isn't "manly" enough, these folks are posting fake profiles on gay dating sites for the sole purpose of luring in gay men to torture. Of course, where's the fun in just torturing one or two folks who were unlucky enough to respond to the wrong online ad? No, the real fun comes when the torture and beatings are videotaped and posted online to dissuade other gay men from committing the crime of being homosexual while Russian.
These folks take strength from the new Russian law, recently signed by Putin, that criminalizes such things as telling minors that gay relationships are as okay as straight relationships. The fines are increased exponentially if you use the Internet to spread that ridiculous notion. Lest you think it's all just grandstanding, four Dutch tourists making a movie were arrested and held last month under the new law.
These bastions of international goodwill are hosting the 2014 Winter Olympics. Let's hope the international community lets them know in monetary terms how they feel about Russia's medieval ignorance.
Next up, the police officers in Kenosha, Wisconsin who raided an animal shelter and killed a baby deer named, Giggles. Seriously. See, some folks found the baby deer, apparently abandoned, and brought her to the Society of St. Francis shelter. As the shelter is not a wildlife preserve, the folks there were making plans to transport the deer to a local wildlife reserve. However, a couple of anonymous tips to the cops letting them know that the shelter was harboring an illegal fawn inspired the Kenosha cops to dispatch nine DNR agents and four deputy sheriffs--all armed--to apprehend the illicit offender. They went in, tranquilized the animal, took her offsite and killed her.
That's what she gets for allowing people to take care of her--doesn't she know it's illegal to own wildlife in Wisconsin? Good thing for everyone involved there were those two anonymous phone calls to the police. You never know what will come from calls to the Wisconsin cops--like the neighbors who reported this little situation twice but no cadre of armed officers showed up for that.
On to this news story about a guy in Indiana who kidnapped a 6-year old girl, molested her and then told the cops that she wanted to have sex with him and that in fact, "it was her idea." Now, that's not an uncommon viewpoint of sexual predators. Heck, Ariel Castro said essentially the same thing this week during his trial of kidnapping and holding three women prisoner in his home for over a decade--he claimed the sex was "consensual." No, the stabby in this situation comes from one of the comments to the story--this comment.
This potential future Torture Chamber resident has done what very few individuals can do--try as they might--he/she has rendered me virtually speechless. So, I'll just leave this here for now.
First up, the current crop of thug Russian Neo-Nazis who have adopted a neat new habit of luring in and then torturing gay people. Not that I give a pass to our own home-grown Neo-Nazi animals but these are a special kind of evil.
Instead of the typical drunken solo asshole trying to start some shit with anyone in the bar he feels isn't "manly" enough, these folks are posting fake profiles on gay dating sites for the sole purpose of luring in gay men to torture. Of course, where's the fun in just torturing one or two folks who were unlucky enough to respond to the wrong online ad? No, the real fun comes when the torture and beatings are videotaped and posted online to dissuade other gay men from committing the crime of being homosexual while Russian.
These folks take strength from the new Russian law, recently signed by Putin, that criminalizes such things as telling minors that gay relationships are as okay as straight relationships. The fines are increased exponentially if you use the Internet to spread that ridiculous notion. Lest you think it's all just grandstanding, four Dutch tourists making a movie were arrested and held last month under the new law.
These bastions of international goodwill are hosting the 2014 Winter Olympics. Let's hope the international community lets them know in monetary terms how they feel about Russia's medieval ignorance.
Next up, the police officers in Kenosha, Wisconsin who raided an animal shelter and killed a baby deer named, Giggles. Seriously. See, some folks found the baby deer, apparently abandoned, and brought her to the Society of St. Francis shelter. As the shelter is not a wildlife preserve, the folks there were making plans to transport the deer to a local wildlife reserve. However, a couple of anonymous tips to the cops letting them know that the shelter was harboring an illegal fawn inspired the Kenosha cops to dispatch nine DNR agents and four deputy sheriffs--all armed--to apprehend the illicit offender. They went in, tranquilized the animal, took her offsite and killed her.
That's what she gets for allowing people to take care of her--doesn't she know it's illegal to own wildlife in Wisconsin? Good thing for everyone involved there were those two anonymous phone calls to the police. You never know what will come from calls to the Wisconsin cops--like the neighbors who reported this little situation twice but no cadre of armed officers showed up for that.
On to this news story about a guy in Indiana who kidnapped a 6-year old girl, molested her and then told the cops that she wanted to have sex with him and that in fact, "it was her idea." Now, that's not an uncommon viewpoint of sexual predators. Heck, Ariel Castro said essentially the same thing this week during his trial of kidnapping and holding three women prisoner in his home for over a decade--he claimed the sex was "consensual." No, the stabby in this situation comes from one of the comments to the story--this comment.
This potential future Torture Chamber resident has done what very few individuals can do--try as they might--he/she has rendered me virtually speechless. So, I'll just leave this here for now.
This Guy--The Dungeon
**Note--it has come to light that perhaps the actual incident depicted in the link below may not have occurred as described. However, rather than removing the entry, I opted to leave it, sentencing all those "this guys" (and gals) who actually do this sort of thing (and similar) to The Dungeon.
This guy goes into The Dungeon today. My first reaction is to put him in The Torture Chamber but I'll extend myself to believe a tiny bit of possibility that this guy fundamentally understands what he did was at least a little wrong.
In case you don't feel like reading anything but my own gloriously wondrous writing, I'll summarize. A mom took her 2-year old to Wal-Mart. He was wearing a pink headband and a pathetic excuse of a human not only touched her child without permission but also referred to him as a faggot and predicted his future assault. No, really. That's what happened. Go read it. I'll wait.
Now, first things first, you never, ever touch a child you do not know without their permission or in the case of very young children, the permission of their parents. Children are not another species, they are young humans and therefore, entitled to the same respect of personal space and safety as anyone else. I think I am not naive for thinking that this jerk would not have reached out and smacked another adult in the head while they shopped. I could be wrong--he could be an utter psychopath. However, I feel it more likely that he is simply an entitled, confused individual with no concept of boundaries due to his resting comfortably in the cozy nest of white male privilege his entire life. So, in his own simian way, when confronted with something that seemed like a round peg in his square-hole world, he felt it was his duty to "fix" it.
That said, what kind of grown adult feels it necessary to hurl slurs at a toddler? How inferior and frustrated do you have to feel to lash out in anger toward a baby for not seeing things your way? The kid wasn't spraying him with glitter. The little boy wasn't trying to signal him using the Handkerchief Code. I feel safe in saying that not even Reverend Benedict Groeschel could claim the kid was trying to seduce this guy into that fabled "homosexual lifestyle" that seems to terrify so many people. No, the Dora the Explorer-loving kid was simply wearing a headband in his favorite color. For this, a 2-year old was assaulted, insulted and threatened by a grown man.
Kudos to the mother for not overreacting. Had this been my child, I'd be dictating this to the reporter who came to interview me in prison.
I have personally experienced similar idiocy, albeit on a somewhat less-physical level. However, the results could have been far more devastating. When my daughter was about 6-months old, she had a compromised immune system. It wasn't bad enough to confine her to the hospital but precarious enough that she couldn't come into physical contact with people without proper hand-cleaning procedures being carried out first.
While we were shopping one day, a couple of older ladies stopped to admire the baby. I gently explained the immunity situation, apologizing that they couldn't reach in and grab a tiny hand or tickle her belly. They were very understanding and caring, proclaiming her to be "precious" and "a miracle" before going off to continue their shopping.
Moments later, they were still nearby when I bent down to select an item from the bottom shelf, exposing the pentagram necklace I always wore. Standing, I caught the eye of one of the ladies and smiled, only to met with a look I can only describe as fearfully hostile. (It's the same look I am sure I have when confronting large spiders.)
Having experienced the same series of events more than once previously, I simply sighed and continued my shopping. It wasn't until several minutes later that I noticed that my tiny, immune-compromised child was not only handling but attempting to chew on what turned out to be a Chick Tract.
These people gave a (literally) filthy, hate-filled booklet covered in germs to an fragile baby based on their glimpse of a piece of jewelry and felt strongly enough about something they obviously knew absolutely nothing about to risk the very life of a less than 6-pound infant.
So, yes, these people are out there. And they belong in here.
This guy goes into The Dungeon today. My first reaction is to put him in The Torture Chamber but I'll extend myself to believe a tiny bit of possibility that this guy fundamentally understands what he did was at least a little wrong.
In case you don't feel like reading anything but my own gloriously wondrous writing, I'll summarize. A mom took her 2-year old to Wal-Mart. He was wearing a pink headband and a pathetic excuse of a human not only touched her child without permission but also referred to him as a faggot and predicted his future assault. No, really. That's what happened. Go read it. I'll wait.
Now, first things first, you never, ever touch a child you do not know without their permission or in the case of very young children, the permission of their parents. Children are not another species, they are young humans and therefore, entitled to the same respect of personal space and safety as anyone else. I think I am not naive for thinking that this jerk would not have reached out and smacked another adult in the head while they shopped. I could be wrong--he could be an utter psychopath. However, I feel it more likely that he is simply an entitled, confused individual with no concept of boundaries due to his resting comfortably in the cozy nest of white male privilege his entire life. So, in his own simian way, when confronted with something that seemed like a round peg in his square-hole world, he felt it was his duty to "fix" it.
That said, what kind of grown adult feels it necessary to hurl slurs at a toddler? How inferior and frustrated do you have to feel to lash out in anger toward a baby for not seeing things your way? The kid wasn't spraying him with glitter. The little boy wasn't trying to signal him using the Handkerchief Code. I feel safe in saying that not even Reverend Benedict Groeschel could claim the kid was trying to seduce this guy into that fabled "homosexual lifestyle" that seems to terrify so many people. No, the Dora the Explorer-loving kid was simply wearing a headband in his favorite color. For this, a 2-year old was assaulted, insulted and threatened by a grown man.
Kudos to the mother for not overreacting. Had this been my child, I'd be dictating this to the reporter who came to interview me in prison.
I have personally experienced similar idiocy, albeit on a somewhat less-physical level. However, the results could have been far more devastating. When my daughter was about 6-months old, she had a compromised immune system. It wasn't bad enough to confine her to the hospital but precarious enough that she couldn't come into physical contact with people without proper hand-cleaning procedures being carried out first.
While we were shopping one day, a couple of older ladies stopped to admire the baby. I gently explained the immunity situation, apologizing that they couldn't reach in and grab a tiny hand or tickle her belly. They were very understanding and caring, proclaiming her to be "precious" and "a miracle" before going off to continue their shopping.
Moments later, they were still nearby when I bent down to select an item from the bottom shelf, exposing the pentagram necklace I always wore. Standing, I caught the eye of one of the ladies and smiled, only to met with a look I can only describe as fearfully hostile. (It's the same look I am sure I have when confronting large spiders.)
Having experienced the same series of events more than once previously, I simply sighed and continued my shopping. It wasn't until several minutes later that I noticed that my tiny, immune-compromised child was not only handling but attempting to chew on what turned out to be a Chick Tract.
These people gave a (literally) filthy, hate-filled booklet covered in germs to an fragile baby based on their glimpse of a piece of jewelry and felt strongly enough about something they obviously knew absolutely nothing about to risk the very life of a less than 6-pound infant.
So, yes, these people are out there. And they belong in here.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Stabby Saturday
It's Saturday and capping off the week we have a run-down of some things that made me stabby recently.
Starting off, we have the Iowa Supreme Court. This all-male group of morons decided--for the second time--this week that it is perfectly legal to fire an employee you may be thinking of having an affair with. The court explains that it isn't gender discrimination--either gender could be fired for being too appealing to the boss. So if you live in Iowa, make sure you are just awesome enough that your boss will want to give you raises and promote you but not quite awesome enough that he/she might want a relationship with you--because it will be ALL YOUR FAULT if you do.
Second, we have the Texas legislature--where guns don't kill people but tampons can apparently really fuck your shit up. The Texas legislature was set to push through their anti-women abortion bill which would shut down all but a handful of abortion clinics in Texas. However, before getting underway with their latest special session, they had to make sure their armed guards were doing their due diligence and making sure nothing that could threaten or harm the politicians could make it into the chamber. Like semi-automatic weapons which could be used to shoot the misogynistic pieces of shit passing this law? Nope, those you can keep. Feminine hygiene products? Oh hell no. That's right. Take the gun, leave the Kotex.
Interesting footnote to the Texas abortion bill, it requires all clinics performing abortions in the state to be licensed ambulatory surgery centers--despite zero evidence that existing centers are deficient in any way. While effectively closing all the clinics that currently perform abortions due to the financial hardship of changing their entire business and health models, it does open up the opportunity for existing ambulatory surgery centers in Texas to jump into the abortion-providing game. Well, that's good news, right? (Not for women seeking abortions, of course. This just means that now the cost will go up dramatically.) Right! It's great news for people with a stake in ambulatory surgery centers in Texas--for example, a group like United Surgical Partners International, who run quite a few such centers. Why, this legislation which drives desperate women to ambulatory surgery centers for abortions could really financially benefit such businesses and their employees. Such as the vice-president of government affairs for the aforementioned USPI--Milla Perry Jones. Perry...Perry...where do we know that name? Oh yeah, she's the sister of Texas Governor Rick Perry--he who has called two special sessions to get this bill pushed through despite massive protests from voting taxpayers in the state. (By the way, Milla Perry Jones is also on the board of the Texas Ambulatory Surgical Center Society.)
On a much lighter note, there's a commercial on TV right now that's making me stabby. Maybe you've seen it, it's the Swiffer ad with the elderly couple, married for 44 years. In one of the commercials, they explain that Morty does the laundry and Lee does the cleaning. Problem is, apparently in order to do the dusting, elderly Lee is having to climb on chairs and stepladders to reach what she needs to Swiffer. Morty stands by, presumably to cushion her fall when she topples off the dining room chair, letting her know that her acrobatics do not look safe. The solution arrives when apparently someone gifts them a box of extended Swiffer tools. The part that's making me stabby is that Morty's got at least a foot of height on Lee--why the hell is HE not Swiffering rather than watching his wife of 44 years clean the living room Nik Wallenda-style? Instead of acting as spotter for your wife, Morty, maybe you could take a turn with the duster, eh? The whole commercial bugs me.
That's enough stabby for now. Don't worry, with states like North Carolina, evil idiots like Charles Koch and pieces of shit on power trips, I'm sure we'll be back next week.
Starting off, we have the Iowa Supreme Court. This all-male group of morons decided--for the second time--this week that it is perfectly legal to fire an employee you may be thinking of having an affair with. The court explains that it isn't gender discrimination--either gender could be fired for being too appealing to the boss. So if you live in Iowa, make sure you are just awesome enough that your boss will want to give you raises and promote you but not quite awesome enough that he/she might want a relationship with you--because it will be ALL YOUR FAULT if you do.
Second, we have the Texas legislature--where guns don't kill people but tampons can apparently really fuck your shit up. The Texas legislature was set to push through their anti-women abortion bill which would shut down all but a handful of abortion clinics in Texas. However, before getting underway with their latest special session, they had to make sure their armed guards were doing their due diligence and making sure nothing that could threaten or harm the politicians could make it into the chamber. Like semi-automatic weapons which could be used to shoot the misogynistic pieces of shit passing this law? Nope, those you can keep. Feminine hygiene products? Oh hell no. That's right. Take the gun, leave the Kotex.
Interesting footnote to the Texas abortion bill, it requires all clinics performing abortions in the state to be licensed ambulatory surgery centers--despite zero evidence that existing centers are deficient in any way. While effectively closing all the clinics that currently perform abortions due to the financial hardship of changing their entire business and health models, it does open up the opportunity for existing ambulatory surgery centers in Texas to jump into the abortion-providing game. Well, that's good news, right? (Not for women seeking abortions, of course. This just means that now the cost will go up dramatically.) Right! It's great news for people with a stake in ambulatory surgery centers in Texas--for example, a group like United Surgical Partners International, who run quite a few such centers. Why, this legislation which drives desperate women to ambulatory surgery centers for abortions could really financially benefit such businesses and their employees. Such as the vice-president of government affairs for the aforementioned USPI--Milla Perry Jones. Perry...Perry...where do we know that name? Oh yeah, she's the sister of Texas Governor Rick Perry--he who has called two special sessions to get this bill pushed through despite massive protests from voting taxpayers in the state. (By the way, Milla Perry Jones is also on the board of the Texas Ambulatory Surgical Center Society.)
On a much lighter note, there's a commercial on TV right now that's making me stabby. Maybe you've seen it, it's the Swiffer ad with the elderly couple, married for 44 years. In one of the commercials, they explain that Morty does the laundry and Lee does the cleaning. Problem is, apparently in order to do the dusting, elderly Lee is having to climb on chairs and stepladders to reach what she needs to Swiffer. Morty stands by, presumably to cushion her fall when she topples off the dining room chair, letting her know that her acrobatics do not look safe. The solution arrives when apparently someone gifts them a box of extended Swiffer tools. The part that's making me stabby is that Morty's got at least a foot of height on Lee--why the hell is HE not Swiffering rather than watching his wife of 44 years clean the living room Nik Wallenda-style? Instead of acting as spotter for your wife, Morty, maybe you could take a turn with the duster, eh? The whole commercial bugs me.
That's enough stabby for now. Don't worry, with states like North Carolina, evil idiots like Charles Koch and pieces of shit on power trips, I'm sure we'll be back next week.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Politicians Who Believe Stupid Things About Rape--Purgatory/Torture Chamber
Before we begin, I think it is important to note that by "rape" I am referring to Paul Ryan-designated, "forcible rape"--none of this namby-pamby Incidental Rape (where it just sort of happens during your day, like developing a blister or losing one of you earrings) or Accidental Rape (where you're just having a nice dinner when suddenly, rape) or even "Seriously? Really? Rape (where you put on nice clothes and went out in public, possibly even ingested a beverage and then got all bowed out of shape when that cool guy claimed his due reward for being nice all night. Some people...)
The original title of this entry was "Male Politicians Who Believe Stupid Things About Rape" but then, state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, came along last week with quite a gem. Laudenberg, opposing an exception for rape victims proposed in Texas' most recent misogynistic abortion bill, SB5, advised that such an exception was not needed because hospitals “have what’s called rape kits, that the woman can get cleaned out...”
It's disturbing enough that this grown woman* does not know that a rape kit is designed to obtain evidence of rape but it's horrifying that she thinks it includes a D&C to go ahead and get rid of any pesky pregnancy "stuff." Considering that conception can occur anywhere from 30 minutes to five days after sperm enters the vagina, that rape kit D&C would have really spotty odds on being at all useful. IF IT EXISTED. Which, it doesn't. She later tried to defend her stupidity by saying that she was trying to get thoughts out as fast as she could--because we all know that speedily-delivered bullshit is the very best bullshit.
However, Representative Laubenberg isn't the only politician to believe stupid things about rape. Her colleague, Trent Franks, stated, “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.”
Yes, if you consider 25-30,000 a year to be "low."
We have Indiana Senate candidate, Richard Mourdock, who thinks that pregnancies that occur as a result of rape are "something that God intended to happen."
That is not a god I want to know.
We can't forget Republican Idaho state senator Chuck Winder, who thinks that women apparently cannot tell the difference between rape and normal marital relations.
Rule number one for a rape crisis nurse--make sure you quiz the victim to find out if maybe instead of being raped, she just actually had "normal" sex with her husband instead. You never know unless you ask.
Former candidate for President of the United States, Mike Huckabee, has said that while it's true that rape sucks, it sure does produce some pretty awesome people.
Ahh...the old, "How bad can it be if something good came from it?" argument. Imagine how boring life would be without the Volkswagen Bug (the "People's Car", brought to you by Hitler and the Nazis).
There's Todd Aiken, who gives us this nugget of craziness, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down" in addition to his firmly held belief that abortion doctors are notorious for giving abortions to women who aren't pregnant.
Thinking along the same lines as Aiken, we have former Representative Henry Aldridge, who emphatically states that, "The facts show that people who are raped -- who are truly raped -- the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work and they don't get pregnant,"
He went on to defend his comment by saying, "To get pregnant, it takes a little cooperation. And there ain't much cooperation in a rape,"
That's enough for now. Since I am basing the punishment for these miscreants merely on statements, most of these folks are only sentenced to Purgatory
*The one exception to the Purgatory assignment is our first winner, Representative Jodie Laubenberg.She goes into the Torture Chamber. Why? Because she's a woman. She fucking knows better. She knows the kind of misogynistic bullshit that women have to put up with in general, no doubt she's been a victim herself many times over. She doesn't get to be ignorant about these things and get away with it. Too many other women fought too hard for her right to an education for her to piss it away just trying to stay in the dick-measuring contest that is our political system. She has an obligation, nay an absolute duty to the women of this country to be educated about issues involving women. There are no excuses.
Her torture? She will spend her time helping the state of Texas process and pare down its massive backlog of untested rape kits. She might as well do something useful.
In the meantime, her colleagues will be cooling their heels in Purgatory for a while until they can prove they have enough redeeming qualities to qualify them for release. Considering most of the aforementioned statements in this entry are not recent, you can clearly see they aren't exactly in a hurry to prove their humanity.
Regardless of their location, all of the above can relax and appreciate their time in the dungeon. As the 1990 Texas gubernatorial candidate, Clayton Willams said when discussing inclement weather, “It's a lot like rape. As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”
The original title of this entry was "Male Politicians Who Believe Stupid Things About Rape" but then, state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, came along last week with quite a gem. Laudenberg, opposing an exception for rape victims proposed in Texas' most recent misogynistic abortion bill, SB5, advised that such an exception was not needed because hospitals “have what’s called rape kits, that the woman can get cleaned out...”
It's disturbing enough that this grown woman* does not know that a rape kit is designed to obtain evidence of rape but it's horrifying that she thinks it includes a D&C to go ahead and get rid of any pesky pregnancy "stuff." Considering that conception can occur anywhere from 30 minutes to five days after sperm enters the vagina, that rape kit D&C would have really spotty odds on being at all useful. IF IT EXISTED. Which, it doesn't. She later tried to defend her stupidity by saying that she was trying to get thoughts out as fast as she could--because we all know that speedily-delivered bullshit is the very best bullshit.
However, Representative Laubenberg isn't the only politician to believe stupid things about rape. Her colleague, Trent Franks, stated, “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.”
Yes, if you consider 25-30,000 a year to be "low."
We have Indiana Senate candidate, Richard Mourdock, who thinks that pregnancies that occur as a result of rape are "something that God intended to happen."
That is not a god I want to know.
We can't forget Republican Idaho state senator Chuck Winder, who thinks that women apparently cannot tell the difference between rape and normal marital relations.
Rule number one for a rape crisis nurse--make sure you quiz the victim to find out if maybe instead of being raped, she just actually had "normal" sex with her husband instead. You never know unless you ask.
Former candidate for President of the United States, Mike Huckabee, has said that while it's true that rape sucks, it sure does produce some pretty awesome people.
Ahh...the old, "How bad can it be if something good came from it?" argument. Imagine how boring life would be without the Volkswagen Bug (the "People's Car", brought to you by Hitler and the Nazis).
There's Todd Aiken, who gives us this nugget of craziness, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down" in addition to his firmly held belief that abortion doctors are notorious for giving abortions to women who aren't pregnant.
Thinking along the same lines as Aiken, we have former Representative Henry Aldridge, who emphatically states that, "The facts show that people who are raped -- who are truly raped -- the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work and they don't get pregnant,"
He went on to defend his comment by saying, "To get pregnant, it takes a little cooperation. And there ain't much cooperation in a rape,"
That's enough for now. Since I am basing the punishment for these miscreants merely on statements, most of these folks are only sentenced to Purgatory
*The one exception to the Purgatory assignment is our first winner, Representative Jodie Laubenberg.She goes into the Torture Chamber. Why? Because she's a woman. She fucking knows better. She knows the kind of misogynistic bullshit that women have to put up with in general, no doubt she's been a victim herself many times over. She doesn't get to be ignorant about these things and get away with it. Too many other women fought too hard for her right to an education for her to piss it away just trying to stay in the dick-measuring contest that is our political system. She has an obligation, nay an absolute duty to the women of this country to be educated about issues involving women. There are no excuses.
Her torture? She will spend her time helping the state of Texas process and pare down its massive backlog of untested rape kits. She might as well do something useful.
In the meantime, her colleagues will be cooling their heels in Purgatory for a while until they can prove they have enough redeeming qualities to qualify them for release. Considering most of the aforementioned statements in this entry are not recent, you can clearly see they aren't exactly in a hurry to prove their humanity.
Regardless of their location, all of the above can relax and appreciate their time in the dungeon. As the 1990 Texas gubernatorial candidate, Clayton Willams said when discussing inclement weather, “It's a lot like rape. As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”
Friday, June 14, 2013
Herbert and Catherine Schaible--Torture Chamber
Today, we get a two-for-one entry. In case the names didn't ring a bell, let me give you a brief introduction.
Herbert and Catherine Schaible are currently charged with third degree murder after they allowed their 8-month old son, Brandon, to die from pneumonia.
Now, I know what you're thinking--no parent "allows" their child to die from a treatable illness so it can't really be their fault. Typically you'd be right but in this particular case, you'd be wrong.
They did allow it. They allowed it by refusing to seek medical attention for their infant son, even though they knew he was sick. What kind of monsters would do such a thing, you ask? Crazy religious ones, that's what kind.
You see, Herbert and Catherine Schaible belong to a fundamentalist church, First Century Gospel Church. One of the things the church preaches and its members believe is that "trust in medicine and doctors is idolatry"
That means that even though baby Brandon was feverish, dehydrated and had difficulty breathing, the Schaibles thought that closing their eyes and hoping real hard he would feel better was preferable to getting him some treatment from someone who might have studied how to keep people from dying of treatable illnesses.
Turns out, apparently they didn't hope hard enough. Although, according to their preacher, Nelson Clark, it's not just that they're not the greatest hopers, it's that the Schaibles have some problem that kept their hoping from helping. In Clark's words, "They realize they must get back to God, to seek wisdom from him, to find where the spiritual lack is in their heart and life . . . so this won't happen again."
A tragic story, yes? However, I can feel some of you out there saying, "Look, they lost their child. Truly that should be punishment enough, right? They have to live with the fact that their misguided belief in their church's tenants killed their baby. That alone would have shaken not only their faith but would stand to torture them daily, no? Do they really need to go into the torture chamber?"
The answer to that is, yes. Because as horrific as it is that they knowingly allowed their baby to suffer and die without medical treatment, IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME.
That's right, one of the reasons the Schaibles are being charged with murder is because they let Brandon die while they were on probation from letting his older brother, Kent, die a few years ago from the same illness for the same reason.
Yep, door locked, key destroyed. Happy eternity, you sick fucks.
Designated Personal Torture: Individual cells, naturally. Each with hard concrete floors, no heat, no beds, no blankets, no chairs, floors permanently strewn with tiny Legos. Additionally, they will be human guinea pigs, acting as the control group for the testing of all manner of itch and pain-relieving ointments and medications.
Herbert and Catherine Schaible are currently charged with third degree murder after they allowed their 8-month old son, Brandon, to die from pneumonia.
Now, I know what you're thinking--no parent "allows" their child to die from a treatable illness so it can't really be their fault. Typically you'd be right but in this particular case, you'd be wrong.
They did allow it. They allowed it by refusing to seek medical attention for their infant son, even though they knew he was sick. What kind of monsters would do such a thing, you ask? Crazy religious ones, that's what kind.
You see, Herbert and Catherine Schaible belong to a fundamentalist church, First Century Gospel Church. One of the things the church preaches and its members believe is that "trust in medicine and doctors is idolatry"
That means that even though baby Brandon was feverish, dehydrated and had difficulty breathing, the Schaibles thought that closing their eyes and hoping real hard he would feel better was preferable to getting him some treatment from someone who might have studied how to keep people from dying of treatable illnesses.
Turns out, apparently they didn't hope hard enough. Although, according to their preacher, Nelson Clark, it's not just that they're not the greatest hopers, it's that the Schaibles have some problem that kept their hoping from helping. In Clark's words, "They realize they must get back to God, to seek wisdom from him, to find where the spiritual lack is in their heart and life . . . so this won't happen again."
A tragic story, yes? However, I can feel some of you out there saying, "Look, they lost their child. Truly that should be punishment enough, right? They have to live with the fact that their misguided belief in their church's tenants killed their baby. That alone would have shaken not only their faith but would stand to torture them daily, no? Do they really need to go into the torture chamber?"
The answer to that is, yes. Because as horrific as it is that they knowingly allowed their baby to suffer and die without medical treatment, IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME.
That's right, one of the reasons the Schaibles are being charged with murder is because they let Brandon die while they were on probation from letting his older brother, Kent, die a few years ago from the same illness for the same reason.
Yep, door locked, key destroyed. Happy eternity, you sick fucks.
Designated Personal Torture: Individual cells, naturally. Each with hard concrete floors, no heat, no beds, no blankets, no chairs, floors permanently strewn with tiny Legos. Additionally, they will be human guinea pigs, acting as the control group for the testing of all manner of itch and pain-relieving ointments and medications.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Stacey Campfield--The Dungeon
Ahh...Stacey Campfield. Native New Yorker, current resident of and state Senator representing Tennessee. You know, Tennessee--part of the Bible Belt, so called because those are the two most common items used to abuse children in the region. Tennessee, home of snake handling, the KKK and the Scopes Monkey Trial. (Not to mention the infamous elephant hanging.)
Carrying the mantle of such a proud state history, Campfield is determined live up to Tennessee's high standards. When he's not dressing up in a luchador mask and wandering around college football games, talking to himself, he likes to sponsor state bills.
From trying to require that aborted fetuses be issued death certificates to Tennessee's much-mocked "Don't Say Gay" bill, he certainly has a way with proposed legislation. He also tried to join Tennessee's legislative Black caucus. By the way, this is a picture of Stacey Campfield:
Here are just a couple of quotes from Senator Campfield:
Carrying the mantle of such a proud state history, Campfield is determined live up to Tennessee's high standards. When he's not dressing up in a luchador mask and wandering around college football games, talking to himself, he likes to sponsor state bills.
From trying to require that aborted fetuses be issued death certificates to Tennessee's much-mocked "Don't Say Gay" bill, he certainly has a way with proposed legislation. He also tried to join Tennessee's legislative Black caucus. By the way, this is a picture of Stacey Campfield:
Here are just a couple of quotes from Senator Campfield:
"Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community -- it
was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having
sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall."
(It didn't and it wasn't.)
"My understanding is that it is virtually -- not completely, but
virtually -- impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex...very
rarely [transmitted]."
(It's not.)
So what finally gets a winner like this banished to the virtual Dungeon? This gem of proposed legislation: Get good grades or your family goes hungry.
Yes, Senator Stacey Campfield actually proposed legislation in Tennessee that reduced welfare benefits by 30% to any family that had a child not meeting academic standards. You know, because nothing motivates a child to study harder than starving.
Honestly, it's only his pathetic ineffectualness that keeps him out of the Torture Chamber. See, Campfield eventually dropped the bill, noting it was only a temporary drop and that he would reintroduce it next year--because there are few things a single, 46-year old, never-married, good Catholic boy knows better than masturbatory exercises. Of course, the decision to drop it came after an 8-year old girl followed him around the state Capitol, waving a petition while being cheered on by, no shit, a choir of about 60 people singing "Jesus Loves the Little Children."
Withdrawn or not, only a heartless piece of shit tries to take food and security away from entire families already in dire straits because kids don't perform to certain academic standards. Perhaps if we focused more on making our kids well-rounded people and less on meaningless standardized test scores we wouldn't have idiots like Campfield in our state legislatures.
In the meantime, Stacey Campfield is free to continue posting post-Boston bombing jokes about "assault pressure cookers" with "tactical pistol grip" until his next proposed legislation--probably involving arming heterosexual fetuses--rears its ignorant head.
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