Before we begin, I think it is important to note that by "rape" I am referring to Paul Ryan-designated, "forcible rape"--none of this namby-pamby Incidental Rape (where it just sort of happens during your day, like developing a blister or losing one of you earrings) or Accidental Rape (where you're just having a nice dinner when suddenly, rape) or even "Seriously? Really? Rape (where you put on nice clothes and went out in public, possibly even ingested a beverage and then got all bowed out of shape when that cool guy claimed his due reward for being nice all night. Some people...)
The original title of this entry was "Male Politicians Who Believe Stupid Things About Rape" but then, state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, came along last week with quite a gem. Laudenberg, opposing an exception for rape victims proposed in Texas' most recent misogynistic abortion bill, SB5, advised that such an exception was not needed because hospitals “have what’s called rape kits, that the woman can get cleaned out...”
It's disturbing enough that this grown woman* does not know that a rape kit is designed to obtain evidence of rape but it's horrifying that she thinks it includes a D&C to go ahead and get rid of any pesky pregnancy "stuff." Considering that conception can occur anywhere from 30 minutes to five days after sperm enters the vagina, that rape kit D&C would have really spotty odds on being at all useful. IF IT EXISTED. Which, it doesn't. She later tried to defend her stupidity by saying that she was trying to get thoughts out as fast as she could--because we all know that speedily-delivered bullshit is the very best bullshit.
However, Representative Laubenberg isn't the only politician to believe stupid things about rape. Her colleague, Trent Franks, stated, “The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.”
Yes, if you consider 25-30,000 a year to be "low."
We have Indiana Senate candidate, Richard Mourdock, who thinks that pregnancies that occur as a result of rape are "something that God intended to happen."
That is not a god I want to know.
We can't forget Republican Idaho state senator Chuck Winder, who thinks that women apparently cannot tell the difference between rape and normal marital relations.
Rule number one for a rape crisis nurse--make sure you quiz the victim to find out if maybe instead of being raped, she just actually had "normal" sex with her husband instead. You never know unless you ask.
Former candidate for President of the United States, Mike Huckabee, has said that while it's true that rape sucks, it sure does produce some pretty awesome people.
Ahh...the old, "How bad can it be if something good came from it?" argument. Imagine how boring life would be without the Volkswagen Bug (the "People's Car", brought to you by Hitler and the Nazis).
There's Todd Aiken, who gives us this nugget of craziness, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down" in addition to his firmly held belief that abortion doctors are notorious for giving abortions to women who aren't pregnant.
Thinking along the same lines as Aiken, we have former Representative Henry Aldridge, who emphatically states that, "The facts show that people who are raped -- who are truly raped -- the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work and they don't get pregnant,"
He went on to defend his comment by saying, "To get pregnant, it takes a little cooperation. And there ain't much cooperation in a rape,"
That's enough for now. Since I am basing the punishment for these miscreants merely on statements, most of these folks are only sentenced to Purgatory
*The one exception to the Purgatory assignment is our first winner, Representative Jodie Laubenberg.She goes into the Torture Chamber. Why? Because she's a woman. She fucking knows better. She knows the kind of misogynistic bullshit that women have to put up with in general, no doubt she's been a victim herself many times over. She doesn't get to be ignorant about these things and get away with it. Too many other women fought too hard for her right to an education for her to piss it away just trying to stay in the dick-measuring contest that is our political system. She has an obligation, nay an absolute duty to the women of this country to be educated about issues involving women. There are no excuses.
Her torture? She will spend her time helping the state of Texas process and pare down its massive backlog of untested rape kits. She might as well do something useful.
In the meantime, her colleagues will be cooling their heels in Purgatory for a while until they
can prove they have enough redeeming qualities to qualify them for
release. Considering most of the aforementioned statements in this entry
are not recent, you can clearly see they aren't exactly in a hurry to
prove their humanity.
Regardless of their location, all of the above can relax and appreciate their time in the dungeon. As the 1990 Texas gubernatorial candidate, Clayton Willams said when discussing inclement weather, “It's a lot like rape. As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”
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